The First
by HappySynthesizer
Summary: Endrance wanted to see what was left when you pealed back the layers. .hack/GU, Haseo/Endrance implied.


There was just something _pure _about an online relationship. Many would confuse that with sterility, artificiality, or just a fear of intimacy, but Kaoru Ichinose knew better. The way he understood it, it was so much deeper, so much more real than anything he'd ever had outside of The World, that he found the more common alternative almost incomprehensible. He'd thought a lot about it, back before he was Endrance-sometimes-Kaoru, when he was Kaoru-sometimes-Elk. Back when he was still realizing that even though his days were occupied with words and numbers and people who were just like him in every way but who were somehow, in someway he couldn't understand, inherently better than him, that wasn't what really defined him. Without Mia, who could never meet him on the outside, but who had given him so much _more_ than that, he's sure he never even would have realized.

For this reason, it went against every long-conditioned fiber in his being when he stepped outside that chilly November afternoon, for the first time since the C.C. Corp. fires. Understandably, his mother nearly had a heart attack at the mere sight of him standing in the living room, having long since resigned herself to the fact that she'd never have her son back in any real capacity. Next, of course, came the flurry of questions and reassurance; no, he had told her, he wasn't planning on diving in front of a train like that poor shut in boy on the news, and no, he didn't need her to go with him, and no, she didn't need to worry so much, this was a _good_ thing, and yes, of course, he was sure about going. As Kaoru felt the unforgiving needles of the winter air biting into his skin for the first time in ages, he realized that he definitely lied about that last one.

But this was for Haseo, and if it was for Haseo, he would do anything. It was this Ryou fellow of whom he was wary.

Aside from his mother, Kaoru has never had any lasting human connections, at least in this place, the one that everyone else assures him is the real one. As far as he was concerned, he'd never needed them, not in the sense everyone else implies. Because here, everything is physical - superficial, even - and he wants to love and be loved for what's left when you peal back all the layers of labels, looks, status, money, and all of that utter nonsense. That's why up until then it didn't matter to him what Haseo - Ryou - did when he wasn't around. He was curious about Haseo, sure, wanted to know _everything_ about him, but nothing in the real world applied to Haseo's intrinsic being. So he didn't want to know if this Ryou was a member of the soccer club, or if he went to a particularly prestigious school, or if he was attractive or not (because for Kaoru, outward appearance was the most obfuscating feature of all.) Everything important about Haseo - Ryou - he could tell from his behavior in the game; he was brave, he was determined, and even if he didn't know exactly how to deal with them all the time he was innately_ good_ to people. This wasn't the Ryou at his part time job who gave smiles to everyone and at the end of the day didn't remember a single customer's face. It was Haseo, caustic as all hell and maybe - well, definitely - a little immature, but if you were lucky enough for him to give a shit about you, you _knew_. He gave Endrance a purpose again, and without a purpose, Endrance wasn't _Endrance_ - he was awkward, lanky Kaoru, shaggy haired and drawing the stares of all the faceless businessmen and schoolkids and other people whose titles summed up their everything on the subway, because, yeah, he was half European on top of it all, and standing precariously as he was, shaking like a leaf, clutching his map tightly lest he miss his stop, he could be a foreigner. In a lot of ways, he really is one now.

With trepidation, he disembarked in Shibuya, the agreed meeting place, and for a brief, sickening moment, thought of turning back. The doors were still open, there was still time to get back on, go to the end of the line and back and find that nothing's changed. But then he saw him.

He didn't know how, he'd never even seen a picture - refused to open group emails containing them before, even - but he just _knew_, from the way the boy held himself, his affect, the way he brazenly ignored the yellow line he wasn't meant to cross, and like a magnet, he couldn't stop himself from drawing nearer. Gingerly, he took one of the boy's hands within both of his own, and knew then that Haseo, Ryou, it didn't even matter anymore, recognized him too, from the way he looked around, slightly flustered, maybe even a little annoyed, but didn't bother to pull away. And even though it was the first time he would have had the chance to notice, Kaoru wondered at how he never noticed how _warm_ his hands were, and lightly began to smile. This, too, was the Haseo he knew, and perhaps even more, because this was no expert in the handling of a variety of complex weaponry, this was no "Terror of Death", this was just an incredibly stubborn boy with a strong sense of justice who had jumped into something so much bigger than him without a second thought. Endrance, Kaoru, Elk, whoever, they all loved him all the more for it.

"So, uh...", Ryou began with his typical tone of uncertainty and mild irritation, sharp glares swatting away prying eyes whenever he felt their presence, "I guess I should ask what to call you."

It came out before he could stop it.

"Endrance." His brows were knit as though he were perplexed; after all this time, what _else_ should he be called?

"Hey, if that's what you want, it's no skin off my ass." Ryou snorted in that charmingly Haseoish way, using his unoccupied half to shrug noncommittally, and Endrance shook his head because he knew that if he continued down that path, then he'd come all that way for nothing.

"El-" He chokes on the syllable, startled by how a completely disused name - identity - felt more natural than the one with which he was born. What he started with. What was _really_ left when you pealed back the layers.

"...Kaoru." He said, at last, as if the concept were as new to him as it was to Ryou. "I'm Kaoru."

"Well, Kaoru. I'm not gonna say it's nice to meet you."

Kaoru smiles warmly. "We've known each other much too long."

Later, he would learn about Ryou. He would learn that the boy snored like a buzzsaw when he slept on his back and that nothing would wake him. He would learn that the boy had a powerful love for red meat while Kaoru himself couldn't even tolerate the smell. He would learn that, as far as Ryou was concerned, he may as well have been an entirely different person before he hit age 10. He would learn that all of those things were as much a part of Haseo as the way he grinned when charging into battle, and the way he tried to play off his kindness as a side effect of his own selfish gain. And if at any point in the process Endrance would end up learning a little bit more about Kaoru? Well, he could live with that.

* * *

><p>Hey there first fic, heeey. The title refers to that, Kaoru and Ryou's first meeting, and Kaoru being Endrance's first "self." I do not own .hackGU. Also, I'm pretty sure there's a subway line into Kanagawa Prefecture from Tokyo, but I'm too cheap to buy a digital route map to find out. Peace.


End file.
